Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
