Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
