Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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