Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
FUCK WHALES
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
