I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize