he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I FOUND THE LEGS
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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