so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
