last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
