the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
