Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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