the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
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HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
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come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize