my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
