Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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