My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
