Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
whose parrot is this?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Randomize
