By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
