Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
