Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
