And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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