I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
