Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
