just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
