youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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