does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize