You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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