dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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