life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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