the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
