It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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