how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
