Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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