She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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