Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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