Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
