Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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