Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
