my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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