im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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