she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
