i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
