my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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