Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
