Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
