and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
