I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
