you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
