A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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