He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
