Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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