Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
