i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
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