I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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