Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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