In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
