??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
