I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
