I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
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I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
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He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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