It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
