remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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